The Tao Of Scott

​On Saturday, the Times ran an overview of the woes facing this summer's tours, which have seen sales overall suffer despite sellouts for the likes of Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber. Even the Eagles--once an act that could be guaranteed to print money from boomers--have suffered during the dog days of 2010. In response to these lackluster numbers, the ubiquitous concert promoter Live Nation has resorted to employing sandwich-board-wearing barkers to walk around concerts and hawk cheap seats to other shows on its docket: while at Lilith Fair on Saturday I saw attempts to unload tickets for Maroon 5, the Jonas Brothers, and O.A.R.

Unfortunately, the decision that would probably be best for everyone--namely, Live Nation scrapping this whole "world domination through owning everything yet not running it very well because there are profit-scrounging shareholders who need to be satisfied" idea, dissolving itself, and letting regional promoters take the wheel again--is probably not happening any time soon. Neither is ditching the ruinous economic model that has pumped the prices of both tickets and in-venue accoutrements sky-high.

But there's one important fact lurking underneath this summer's crappy numbers for live music: the shed experience is frequently an irritating one, thanks to Live Nation's insistence on making fans pay extra for any experience that might be halfway pleasant. It's time to admit that the policy of the endless upgrade chain isn't working - especially given the high prices that people are already paying for tickets, not to mention the fees added on for things like the "convenience" of printing said tickets using their own paper and ink. And it's time to make amphitheaters more pleasant for people who are willing to part with their dollars - especially given the current economically perilous moment. With that in mind, here are six ways Live Nation can refashion its sheds to make them more fan-friendly:

1. Rip out all the seats up front, and turn them into general-admission areas. Yes, this will deprive Live Nation of the revenue it pulls in overcharging for front row tickets. This should be thought of as a short term loss, though: time and again, shows at amphitheaters have the life absolutely sucked out of them--particularly during opening acts--by fans who are scared to get too excited, lest they obstruct the views of the people behind them. This punishes both the fans and the artists, who must be disheartened by looking out at rows of seated people. Setting up general-admission pits would make concertgoers feel more comfortable about dancing and going generally nuts--and the move would create excitement in the hours leading up to the headliners as diehards angle for spots closest to the front.

2. Rework the venues so that they're restored to their old glory, and not clad in Live Nation's garish colors. There are some seriously beautiful spaces in the summer-shed arsenal--the PNC Bank Arts Center is a well-manicured example of '60s municipal architecture, while Nikon at Jones Beach Theater's waterfront location makes it a pleasantly breezy place to see a show. Why not renovate the venues so the signage and tables are aesthetically in line with the facilities' design, the bathrooms work, and the seats are a color that isn't an eye-bleeding pinkish-red? (Especially since said color makes those seats, when empty, look even more so.)

3. Improve concessions. You want to charge $13 for a 24-ounce beer? Offer something slightly better than Heineken Light. And then there's the food itself, which is stuck in a carnival from the 1980s--hot dogs and nachos and chicken fingers and ice cream. (Yes, the self-proclaimed "ice cream of the future" Dippin' Dots had a couple of carts at Lilith Fair, but the parent company of that frozen treat has been referring to itself as next-generation since 1995.) The concession giant Aramark handles the food and beverage at both local sheds--the PNC Arts Center and Jones Beach--and has some experience in finer outdoor dining. Aramark runs the food stands at Citi Field, which include establishments that are operated in conjunction with Danny Meyer's Union Square Hospitality Group: Shake Shack, for example, or the mouth-watering El Verano Taqueria. Why not expand those options to the east and to the west? After all, better offerings mean more money--at least in theory.

4. Get rid of the "Fast Lane" and hire some extra security guards. Yes, 9/11 changed Live Nation's ability to squeeze the customer: Behold the "Fast Lane," where people are encouraged to pay $5 so they can travel through security in a more expeditious manner. It's like CLEAR! Except somehow dumber.

5. And on that note, remember that people who don't shell out for VIP parking go to shows, too. As a non-driver, I had to use New Jersey Transit to get to the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel to see Lilith Fair--a feat which I achieved with little help from the venue's page on the Live Nation site, which tells viewers to "Check www.livenation.com for updates on the Arts Center Shuttle!" even though they are at said site. That shuttle was apparently running between the Matawan train station and the venue, although after waiting 20 minutes, I shared a cab with a few other frustrated concertgoers. Confusion reigned after the show as well; thanks to a near-complete lack of signage, attendees who were being shuttled to the not-as-important-person parking lots and attendees who needed to get back to the train station were running around, asking each other which buses went to which lots. Of course, VIP parking is quite the cash cow; New Times Broward-Palm Beach music editor Reed Fischer pointed me to the parking information for his local shed, which is fairly eye-popping:

Parking lots open approx. 3 hours prior to show. If you arrive earlier, you may be subject to an additional parking fee.

Guaranteed VIP Parking can be purchased on line in advance for $43.

"Select" VIP Parking is available for $40.00 as an addition to your on line ticket order. ...

Premier parking locations are available show days on a first come, first served basis for $20 or $40; cash only.

I know the housing bubble was inflated to mega-high levels in Florida, but honestly.

6. Quit selling every inch of space to "marketing opportunities" that do nothing but detract from the music. No one who spends more than $100 on a concert ticket should have to sit through an overamplified test screening of a screechy, stereotype-laden network sitcom--and be asked to fill out a survey afterward. Yet that happened at Lilith Fair. Since when did people start paying for the right to be included in focus groups?

None of these improvements will be much of a stretch, and there are surely others that aren't listed here. The shameis that Live Nation's focus on satisfying its shareholders, rather than the people who actually plant themselves in its venues' seats, will probably make even the most obvious ones seem like bridges too far. Despite the company's seeming insistence that only those people who shell out for inflated VIP access packages deserve to have a good time, the summer concertgoing experience should be rewarding for even those fans who can only afford the deeply discounted lawn seats available from the sandwich-board-wearing barkers.